Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
