she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
