When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
