Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize