32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
