she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We are all done wearing pants today
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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