so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
