I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
