why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
