Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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