When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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