She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
