omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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