He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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