Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize