you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
