WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
