I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
