1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no, he came in my armpit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
