So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
