I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
