Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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