If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Actions speak louder than pants.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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