There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
