you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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