Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
