So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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