I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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