its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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