What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
