This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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