I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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