So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
