??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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