its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
