THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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