She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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