Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
