That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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