Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
