i jhust puked up my retainher.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
