So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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