I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
