Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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