Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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