my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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