conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
