I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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