It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
