i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
