so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
