3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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