Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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