FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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