I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if only i could text you this smell
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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