please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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